anybody seen my keys?

on occasion i find myself feeling as though i've forgotten to do something, or left something in my car, or failed to give someone an important message. when it turns out there was nothing i'd forgotten, i tend to question what the hell it was all about. there's a specific example of this that will always stay with me. it was the day we brought our first child, the beautiful mackenzie, home from the hospital after she was born. after we got home, i needed to run to the store to pick up some snacks because we had friends and family coming by in droves. as i was wandering, seemingly aimless, through the glaring fluorescent aisles, searching for edibles i couldn't imagine ingesting, i got a peculiar feeling. so i called my wife and told her that for some reason i had the feeling as though i'd lost my keys. but i hadn't. they were there, as always, in my right pocket. but even though i could feel them on each repeated grope to verify, i still felt keyless. and today i realized that it wasn't about my mind not understanding that my keys were actually still IN my pocket...but rather my brain was processing being away from my new family unit after nine months of intense togetherness that created a visual that i could define more easily, to explain the momentary emptiness i was suddenly feeling. so i wonder what the brain is truly capable of, when given the evidence above, if it can actually substitute a familiar feeling into the ether where an unfamiliar feeling currently exists. i suppose that's a much better option than your brain making you just go "poqiwdfmzggca;oisudc" when faced with a new feeling. although the latter choice would be so much funnier to witness. we've been told our whole lives how powerful our brains are, and how we only use a mere sliver of the whole pie. i've always thought how cool it would be if we could tap into the other, baby-butt tender portions of our brain that aren't usually used. the potential is staggering, even breathtaking. though i must say that whatever amount of my brain is currently being used seems to be enough to get me by. perhaps enough to even soar above my own expectations. to keep me moving toward the truth within me. and if the potential for my creative existence is as limitless as i believe it is today, even using only the percentage of my brain that i currently do, how amazing the thought of utilizing the whole of the gray matter. imagine the pursuits and adventures. as i close my eyes now to imagine such things, it occurs to me that i know where my keys are.

and now for something completely different

i can't tell you how amazing it is to walk around for a whole day without having to stop occasionally and steady myself. i mean, i'm sure you can imagine how annoying having to do that all the time must be, but i'm here to tell you....i haven't been free of that suffocating malady for nearly 5 years. so i just dropped by to mention how truly energizing and uplifting it is.
i'm using the "tired" excuse tonight for only writing this teeny blurb...but it's important. more important than you can actually imagine. it's good to be back.

Not the t.v. show...

This is to the band of brothers and sisters I have the great privilege to call my friends. You never really recognize how important they are until you feel the most lonely. I don't quite understand that, but it seems to be true. At true moments of panic, when despair seems ready to swallow you up, the most amazing things can happen. Like a beam of light in the murky darkness, cutting through the dizzying haze of uncertainty, the voice of a friend finds your heart, and something to cling to as you wait for the clouds to pass. Then another voice, another friend, reminding you just how much you are loved. Just how much you are cherished. And with any luck, you'll find the strength to recognize those things in yourself....all because of your friends.

The Little Man

There's a little man inside my head
Shouting at me til his eyeballs go red
Keeping me guessing
Making me doubt
Making me feel like a flip-floppy trout

When I open my mouth, or my heart, so it seems
He launches right into his ludicrous screams
About how I'm wrong about this and then that
And then I retreat to my safety net, stat!

He sounds like he knows what he's talking about
With every blustery, blubbery shout
Spinning me round, all confused and adrift
Until I don't know any more of my gift

It's a crime that keeps going and getting committed
I'm sure a straightjacket he wants for me fitted
But now that I'm onto him, knowing his schemes
I simply remember, you can't yell at dreams

The road that's ahead may be bumpy and scary
But that's all ok, least i've lost that clown fairy
My head is less foggy, my senses alert
I'm ready, I think, to let go of the hurt