Why do I stray from what I know will make me whole?

I have been away, like in some kind of self-induced creative coma, for far far too long. And it gets to me...eventually. I wonder how many times I will run straight into the same damned tree before I figure out how to better navigate the forest around me.... Too many times, apparently....too long between the cleansing showers of self-immersion...self-reflection. I've realized it stems from not being completely comfortable talking about myself with any real sense of certainty...always second-guessing my thoughts, feelings, reactions. It truly is a tangled web I constantly weave in and around myself. The reason for this continual loop of frustration seems just outside my grasp, there in the darkness, waiting for me. I suppose the good news is that it's not mocking me, not laughing at my failed attempts to understand. Like it's patiently waiting there, knowing that if I find the right tools, I'm bound to hold it in my hands, blindingly brilliant, the knowledge that keeps me sane, keeps me laughing, keeps me whole. Waiting for me to find it.
So I'm off to see the wizard. Wish me luck.